I Need to Gain 5 lbs. and Want to Know How Long It Takes?

5 lbs. of What?

  1. 5 lbs.of Muscle?
  2. 5 lbs. of Fat?
  3. 5 lbs. of H2O?

Ok…let’s go:

  • All muscle? 1 lb. of protein (muscle) is about 454 g. And at 4 Kcal/g, we can estimate this equivalent to roughly 1816 kcal. Let us further assume that you haven’t lifted much, let’s call this Pumping Iron Naive, you’re a relative weight lifting virgin. Let’s go on to think that you have access to a hotshot trainer with 40 years of experience in getting people into shape as quickly & efficiently as possible. We will believe that he/she is competent and knowledgeable about the nutritional angle required for your project. In this case, your trainer will guide you and facilitate the avoidance of excessive fat gain along with your muscle hypertrophy. The best case scenario for a natural, non-PED enhanced subject like you should be around 5–6 weeks. You will be required to eat something over 9080 kcal above what you burn off to support this amount of mass gain.
  • You don’t care about muscle and instead want to gain 5 lbs. of fat? No problem! This fat gain will be charged out at a rate of about 9 Kcal/g., or 4086 kcal/lb. For a total of approximately 24,000 Kcal excess calorie intake. No specialized knowledge is required here; anyone who has a taste for pizza, beer, and/or ice cream was born with the ability to gain fat effortlessly. From personal experience, this can be done during a weekend with the use of a little determination.
  • Muscle, fat…whatever! You really don’t care! You just want to put on the pounds ASAP! Then gaining 5 lbs. Excess water weight will probably be the easiest and quickest way to gain weight if this is your only goal. 1 quart of H2O weighs about 2 lbs. So, go out and eat some salty foodstuffs; enough to make you very thirsty (pork rinds, crisps, beef jerky, etc. should be helpful) along with a little less than 3 quarts of water. This will do the trick. No more than an afternoon need be spent in pursuit and attainment of this goal. Try not to piss, as this will just elongate and slow down the process.

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