Alex’s Corner. Coffee and My Bulletproof, Bombproof, Zombieasskickin’, Hellraisin’ Recipe For It.

Fresh coffee beans, ummm. I always grind them myself in a dilapidated, duct taped £30 blender. I add a cinnamon stick. Then I inhale the magnificent odour and walk over to the seasoned & worn plank table in the dinning room. I push out one of the stout wooden leather chairs, spill myself onto it and wait for the steeping process to work its magic and wait to take a sip. Slowly and nicely, it will edge me into the waking world.

Some days, when no one is looking, I’ll sneak a few organic Peruvian cocoa nibs into the beautiful brown, coarse grind. I then let this combined grind set in the worn out old charity shop steampunk coffee press for not too long. I pour the lovely steaming brown brew into a nice, big mug that has “New York, New York” printed on the side and adulterate it still further with some whole milk, a teaspoon full of Demerara sugar and, last but not least, a dollop of organic virgin coconut oil.

For more years than I can remember, I have used this concoction to deaden  the pain of getting up on a truly uninspiring grey dull depressingly cold morning and into the gym for a much-too-early-for-my-lazy-ass workout (and honestly, anything before 13h00 is going to be too early).

I love coffee, but it is not a religion. It is one of the great pleasures in life, but my life is not built around the worship of it. Nor do I really obsess or lose the ability to function if I happen to miss a couple of cups because I was a lazy slug in bed, ran late for work and somehow-or-other life got in the way and I didn’t have time to sort it. Unfortunately, coffee doesn’t wash away all of my problems. Even if I drink a whole jug of the lovely hot amber nectar, I still am usually facing obstacles in the day ahead that just won’t be totally sluiced in the juice. Too bad.

Interestingly, I’ve been running into a lot of ads for Bulletproof, Bombproof, Zombieproof and whateverelsehaveyouproof coffees lately.  And I have developed a keen interest in the question of whether some people really are the gormless & clueless consumer pawns that these advertisements suggest that they are.

What I really don’t understand is if Joe Public want to build a Frankencoffee for their own pleasure, then why on earth can’t they just put it together themselves?

Come on Joe, for god’s sake, it’s not brain surgery, now is it? This Internet, it is supposed to foster communication and empower people, isn’t it? Not steal every ounce of creativity and turn them into gullible consumer drones and helpless babies!

So because this question was itching at me, of course I did a Google search and came up with lots of links. Here’s one: B*llsh8 Coffee   Well, I am certainly very glad to see that not everyone is a sucker.

Although still, some apparently are. Quite a few in fact. A lot of this bullshit, excuse me, I mean bulletproof stuff is being sold. And at astonishing prices, too.

Why is this? When you can easily do it yourself and marvel at your own resourcefulness? Do people really need to have all the work done for them and tied up in nice, neat, processed parcels?

The headline of this blog promised a recipe, my recipe. Hopefully you are not disappointed because I am not posting one. Because what I really want for you is for you to FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF. There is a multitude of recipes on the net to make beverages of this ilk, use your imagination (or simply drop me a line and use mine,  I’ll be glad to forward you my own personal favourite recipe for this tasty, high fat, hunger crushing beverage).

Ok, Mr. Blogger what’s the point of this? I am getting bored and my index finger is just itching to click on the next link. Let’s get on with it.

Well, my point is this: whether it’s a simple act of preparing & pouring yourself a tasty cup of coffee, bravely thinking your own thoughts or even courageously dreaming of being the captain of your own ship. Why not just do it yourself?  Why would a person let some self styled, pompous, half-baked dumbass guru tell him what to do and then take his hard earned money for telling him how to do it?

Let’s do it ourselves. It might not be easier, but it’s cheaper. It’s also more satisfying. It costs time, yes. It costs effort, sure. But so does buying crap off of Amazon. You might make mistakes, of course. But so what? It’s usually more fulfilling pulling stuff down from your own shelf and creating the thing by your own hand rather than pointing, clicking and having Harry Potter disguised as your postman deliver it to your doorstep, isn’t it?

At least, that’s what I think.


Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: